Page 140 - Musings 2021

16

Why!
Tejas Suresh
2019A3PS1119P

Agent Bulbinder (aka Bulby), of the Association for Capitalist Medicine (ACM), is a rising
star in the Department of Ligament Injuries (DLI). The lockdown has led to a drastic
reduction of injuries, drastically reducing the department’s cash flow. It’s now up to Bulby to
bring back the glory days. In his latest mission, he is tasked with administering a ligament
tear, and preventing the target from walking. It won’t be easy, as the mark is known to be a
bonehead, sparing little thought for his body. His disdain for doctors and medical treatment
could spell the end of this mission before it begins.

Bulby knew he had to move fast; he had less than three minutes to infiltrate the ankle. He got
by the bone and gingerly attached the torn ligament fibres using FeviLigTM. He was in. Then
came the hard part—the swelling process.

His handler had briefed him about his mark—he was “macho” and prone to alpha-male
tendencies, threatening to “shake-off” most injuries, however severe. This, he said, would
give Bulby more time to inject the swelling and take control of the ankle. If he began the
process a little earlier, he could even extend the swelling to the lateral region, administering a
bone contusion.

Bulby stimulated the swelling to grow, subtly increasing its girth by the minute. The trick was
to move slow and steady so as to not arouse the mark’s suspicions—even the most cynical
ones could spot a serious injury if the ankle got too big too fast. The mark was quite
unobservant, however. Once he tightened his shoe-lace (owing to the common misconception
that it prevents an ankle from swelling), he continued to watch the game he had formerly
participated in. He paid no heed to the bulging machinations conquering his right ankle. Over
the next ten minutes, Bulby managed to cause swelling in the anterior and lateral regions of
the ankle. He checked the developing swelling; he had a good ten minutes before the mark
would notice the pain. Not one to idle about, he decided to attack the posterior ligament.
However, midway through the swelling process, the mark attempted to walk—a move highly
inadvisable to both parties involved. It was harder to cause swelling on the move, dangerous
even. The pressure on the ankle and the constant motion could crush Bulby if he stayed in
one place for too long.

But it was too late to turn back now, he had to push through. In what can only be described as
one of the most daring moments in ACM history (and a possible homage to Tarzan), Bulby
swung himself across the bone and into the target zone using a stray ligament fibre. To
combat the increasing pressure, he spread the swelling across the posterior ligament and the
Fibula, spending less than a minute in each region. In less than five minutes, the swelling was
complete. Bulby exhaled. He had completed his mission, with a little bonus to boot. Now all
he had to do was wait for the diagnosis.

“Grade-3 ligament tear, a bone contusion, and added strain due to your flat feet,” explained
the doctor, examining Bulby’s fantastic handiwork. The mark seemed to disregard whatever
the doctor said—a typical alpha move. He was quite stubborn too, doing his best to hide any
expression that revealed the magnitude of pain he was in. There was no fooling Dr. Andha

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