Page 133 - Musings 2020

his cycle along a wall and he was lying down on the road, looking at the stars above. Road
left empty to him to enjoy his victory. It was very rare seeing Anand so happy, it was worth
getting bald.

III.
It was the evening of 14th December, hairs on my head were still very short, but that’s not
what I was worried about. The sadness was that Anand was going to leave for home soon as
the semester was over. I decided to stay behind for a few days for a project. I decided to go to
his room to talk to him one last time. His wing was empty and he was standing alone in a
dark spot in a corner, playing some sad melody on his guitar. I silently went to him and stood
behind him. He realized my presence, he turned and bid me a hello bringing his one hand up
in the air, up to his chin. He walked to his room and I walked behind him. It was dark and I
was unable to make out his expressions but there was an aura of sadness and pain around
him, stronger than usual. We reached the door, he walked me in and asked me to not turn the
lights on. I went inside and sat on his bed, he followed me and slowly relaxed onto his bean
bag, his guitar still clung to him. Something seemed wrong about everything, I could only
make out his body lining in the dark, unable to see his face. I asked him,” Is everything
okay?”. He stayed silent and in a while started hitting the strings of guitar producing a
melancholy melody and mood. We kept sitting there for a while and I kept asking him
questions, but the longest answer I got from him all this while was a “huh”. Some fifteen
minutes were over, then he asked me to leave. I denied saying,” Let me know what’s wrong
and I will think about leaving.”

He got up, removed the guitar by its strap, picked up his bottle, went outside, and shut the
door from outside, so that I wouldn't follow him. It was just a while and tears started flowing
down my cheeks. That’s when I realized his reason to keep the lights off. I wiped off the tears
and lied down on his bed, my imagination carrying me to agony. After a while, I heard the
door being opened and the lines turned on. The lights were an irritation to the eyes which had
just cried, so it took me some moments to open them completely. He was back, I looked at
him still lying down, his face was washed and deprived of any expression at all. He sat on his
chair and opened his laptop. I sat up slowly and then to take this mood away he asked,”
Where do you see yourself, on 14 December of next year?” That’s what he always did. He th
always asked about others and never replied about himself. I gave it a thought and told him
everything I wanted to achieve, with my voice still hoarse. He nodded. “I am leaving in 5
days,” he said, “This is probably the last time we are talking.”

“I can always call you and speak to you, can’t I?” I begged.
“No, there is no reason for us to keep contact anymore.”
“Why do you behave this way; why do you always want to stay away from people?”
“Because It seems pointless and worthless to me.”
“But don’t you feel the need to speak up to feel light from inside.”
“You can’t have everything in life, my friend, you have to make choices that are in alignment
with what you want from life, and in the process you will have to let go of some things that
are valuable to you.”
We spent some more time on this philosophical talk before I left, with me speaking most of it
and him listening carefully.

133