Page 81 - Musings 2021

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The Best in Yourself
Navneeth P Sagar
2019A4PS0173P

I was in Brilliant Academy, a coaching center for the All India Level Engineering Entrance
Examination. I wanted to be one of the bests in India and liked a good competition. I thought
of myself as a confident boy who believed in his abilities. I was friendly and funny. One of
the few students from my school chose to drop one year to study for the All India Level
Examination. I always felt the need to move beyond the usual and try to be more than the
usual people.

In the academy, there were many students like me. They wanted to be at one of India’s best
colleges. The institute was unlike any other institute I had gone to. It was at the heart of the
Kottayam district. The campus had grown from a small school to a large complex with
hostels for boys and girls, with a canteen which could feed an entire city. The big spacious
classrooms and wonderful and inspiring teachers were something to be seen. The vastness of
the hallway and classes echoed when we spoke. The atmosphere had a pinch of competition.
Along with the breeze came the aspirations of thousands of students to reach great heights.
The place had the touch of wisdom, and we felt blessed to be there. Each day, classes went on
like an express train, waiting for no one. The menu contains “Rice, Curry, with
Thermodynamics and Maths”. Life there was like the hands of a clock. We lived in a place
where the same thing goes on and on. Weekly tests and meetings with teachers and parents,
as usual, and needed, need to be strong mentally and physically. After every test, teachers
used to speak out loud the rank list the “In the second rank ... we have .... Next, we have ....”
And then came my name. It feels like I’m at the top of the world, and my confidence gets
elevated, and I feel closer and closer to my goal.

When there’s fire, there’s smoke. Just like that, when your results reach your parents, they
also resonate with your feelings. My parents were proud and motivated me. My mom was
very caring and emotional. She used to watch the clock reach 7 for my call. And my father
was cool. He cares but tries to hide it with rapid-fire questions like, “How is everyone there?
Did you meet Anil today? Should I book an AC Ticket for you to come back or not?” They
were a constant source of motivation. As time passed by, the competition got more
challenging. The sound of pen and pencil on the pages, questions and discussions late-night
grew louder and louder. Sleep didn’t come our way, nor did hunger. But I found myself in a
strange spot, trying my best, yet not coming out during the test. I was at the peak
performance. Yet, I didn’t give up. But how to explain what’s not under my game. It was not
easy to say that I was doing my best, yet my parents were doing my best. Endless days of
practicing and revising, the sleepless nights didn’t help me shine. I felt my confidence fade
away with time. My motivation dropped like a rock to the bottom of the well. My parents
called me on and on, trying to find out what had gone wrong? For they had high hopes and
concern, but like all parents, they had a flaw.

They saw marks and rank as a success. They believed that grades and marks reflect effort and
success. “They think, for a boy who didn’t score low in school, what could have gone wrong
now?” I was left out of steam, and my spirit dropped. “Why is this happening? Why am I not
able to get a good rank? How are my efforts going in vain...? I didn’t know what to do.” I
tried and tried, but I reached my limits. The constant struggle, sleepless nights and hunger, all

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