Page 63 - Musings 2022

infinite health. I can no longer appreciate small things without thinking of the impending doom.

I can no longer see an insect getting trampled without thinking about my fate.

It is fascinating to believe that my son experiences a world so different and so abstract to my
own. His wide eyes see no horror. He sees thrill, excitement and wonder when the waves crash

into the shore. He sees the vibrant sun’s reflection, highlighting his freckle-filled face. He sees
life as an opportunity to wonder. He can take his time because no one is counting down his

days. He can gaze at scenic landscapes that much longer. All these breath-taking views, and
yet, he will often admire me, but what does he see when he looks in my direction?

The wind had died down and the sun was almost crimson. Aditya labours up and trots slowly

towards me. I think I know what he sees. A man whose figure has shrunken. A man who still

watches football matches with him late into the night. He sees a man that would sacrifice
anything to avoid destroying his childhood with the shattering effect and the trauma of hospital

visits, chemotherapy, and fights with nurses, homoeopathic doctors, bad news, midnight sobs
and worst of all - false hope. But more importantly, what he feels is the reassuring touch of a

father blocking out the adult world. A white knight or a gallant prince, that protects and
comforts before returning to the battleground. Except that my battle is already lost.

“Daddy”, he whispers.

“Can I take photos from your phone?”

“Of course.”

I will tell him what his father is facing and how his poor old body stacks against the malaise. I
know that years into the future, he will be thankful that his childhood was preserved by a

blissful ignorance. At least I hope he will be. I just hope that he will not be mad that I did not

tell him that his mother is a witness and that his father is a liar. All this, just to preserve that
wide-eyed smile and that virgin mind. And I hope that he will understand what I went through

to maintain the eternal sunshine of his spotless mind.

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