Page 75 - Musings 2022

‘Why, Vicky?’ She shakes her head. ‘Why are you doing this? You want me to read all this
with you? Maybe there’s a secret hidden somewhere that can cure you.’
‘Stop with that tone!’ I slam my wheelchair’s armrest. ‘I don’t like that mocking tone. Is there
a speck of brain in that skull of yours? Why do you think I preface this with acknowledging
how unrealistic this sounds, huh? Am I the idiot here? I need your support the most in my life
right now, woman! Not your nagging and, and your ridiculing, and your, your…’ I am furious,
so much so that I cannot even express my feelings clearly. ‘You still think this is all in my
mind, don’t you? Don’t you!’
‘Listen, Vicky—’
‘Shut up!’
I have grown tired of this. She begins with ‘listen, Vicky’, and I cannot take anything that
comes after this seriously. And I have grown tired of the name ‘Vicky’ – my real name is Anil,
but I vividly remember both Seema and Kunal calling me Vicky since college. Though I cannot
remember how they came up with that.
But I don’t care about that now. At the moment, I am just gazing at Seema, trying to understand
why she cannot just believe me for once. It is not easy, but I want her to be the one standing by
me. Does she even understand how much this is hurting me?
‘I guess there’s no other way to convince you.’ I turned around and moved my wheelchair near
the drawer in the corner. She is just standing in the middle of the room.
‘You think I am faking this, right? That there’s nothing wrong with my legs.’
‘That’s not what I—’
‘No, no. no. I am a liar, ain’t I? I am crazy for making up such lies, ain’t I?’
‘No—’
‘Well, this should convince you!’
I take out the pair of scissors from the drawer and stab my right thigh with as much force as I
can muster.
‘Vicky!’ Seema lets out a horrified scream before jumping at me. I have been weakened
considerably due to the curse. She easily snatches the scissors away, but not before I have
stabbed myself there a couple more times.
‘Give them back! You want some proof, don’t you?’
‘Stop it, please. I cannot take it anymore.’ She falls on her knees, sobbing.
The place where I have stabbed myself is bleeding, but I cannot feel any pain there. None at
all, and that is my conviction.
***
Seema opens the door for Kunal and leaves the room immediately. She has been talking less
and less every day. I know it is hard for her, but I am glad she didn’t abandon me, that she
remained by my side when I needed her the most.
‘Is she okay?’ Kunal asks.
‘I doubt it. She doesn’t believe an ounce of what I say, but is still by my side.’ I shake my head.
‘It is rational to not believe me, but I need at least her to.’
Kunal glances at my legs.
‘Seema told me that you were using a wheelchair now,’ he says.
I am sitting on the sofa without any wheelchair nearby. I guess he is referring to that.

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