Page 80 - Musings 2022

anything about him after he passed out from school. I remember his seizures stopped around
that time as well. He went to college and met another boy in his year from the same town. His
name was Kunal. He met this beautiful girl called Seema in his second year, and they started
to date. And…
And everything in my mind goes white. I cannot describe this feeling. I am scared, shivering
scared. But I also feel like crying my eyes out. My mouth is hanging, and I am lost for words.
I am not sure what is happening anymore.
Prachi is looking intently at my face.
‘Do you realise now, Papa?’ Her voice is full of concern. ‘In cases like yours, it is not advisable
to dump the truth on you. You’d, of course, reject it. So, it is best for everyone if you realise
this on your own. I did not want to rush it at all, but Momma told me what you were planning
to do in your frenzied state. I had to rush you.’
‘Help me, Prachi,’ I speak powerlessly. ‘I have no idea what is going on anymore.’
‘Papa, your name is not Anil Gupta. It is Vikrant Gupta – Anil Gupta was your father…’
What?
‘… Your age is not 42 – you’re 64. Your father was 42 when he ran away…’
What?
‘… And you are a retired bank employee, not a lawyer. Your father was a lawyer. And Mumma
is a housewife, not a teacher at Tulips Primary School. That was your own mother.’
I feel like my entire existence is being stripped naked. I am not sure about anything anymore.
But whenever Prachi says anything, I get flashbacks of them. And I feel too sure about myself.
Of course, I am Vikrant Gupta. Anil Gupta is my father’s name, but how could I have mixed
up things so badly.
‘Please listen to me entirely before lashing out.’ Prachi moved her chair closer to mine. ‘After
your accident, your dementia grew rapidly. And along with it, you developed a variant of
Cotard’s syndrome. Basically, you developed a delusion that your right leg does not exist, and
framed a story around it that stems from your childhood trauma. That explains why you can
use your leg sometimes. In that story, you were Anil Gupta, a figure that has affected you your
whole life.’
I shake my head. ‘I know what dementia is. What you are saying sounds like fantasy, not a real
disease.’ I stubbornly reject her even after realising I’m wrong.
Prachi sighs. ‘Dementia is most commonly associated with loss of memory. Papa, do you
remember when you had the accident?’
‘March 18, this year,’ I reply promptly, as if that will prove anything.
‘And which year is this?’
I cannot remember. I try to piece together this puzzle, but to no end!
‘What is the date today? Can you remember how long your accident was? Days? Weeks?
Months?’ she continues on with her questions.
‘I-I don’t know.’ I grab my head with both hands.
‘What do you remember after coming back from hospital?’
I try my hardest to remember. ‘I had a dream about Tatakshya. Then I fought with Seema. Then
Kunal came to visit me. Then I discovered the method to defeat Tatakshya. I bought some
grimoires at some point as well. Then you arrived…’

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