Page 150 - Musings 2021

Derek stopped me. “CRAP! You know that is not true. Can you not be human for one
goddamn second and forget the soldier in you? Normal people are hiding out there from the
infected, just as we are doing right now. Why do you think you are so desperate, calling for
help every second? Because you don’t want to end up being helpless like those people
outside and be blown up with this city.”

When someone digs up and throws at you the absolute truth that you had buried under a vast
heap of lies, you are just left empty. The only thing I wanted to hide, and believe that I was
correct on my part, was slammed at my face in a moment when Derek said those words. He
continued.

“We did this, Garry. All of this. There was a time when everything was normal. Clear skies,
fresh air, clean water, and humans. Do you know what got us to be in this situation? Our
greed. Our ignorance. So many people back then tried to warn us. Global warming was
increasing, the climate was changing, and our atmosphere was getting thinner every second.
Solar flares intensified, and that caused mutations. Air got deprived of its oxygen. Surface
temperatures kept on increasing. First, the polar caps melted off, everything around us got
flooded. Yet we didn’t stop. We recklessly kept on using all the resources we had until
nothing was left. But when water started drying up, leaving all land barren and dead, that was
when we actually forgot that we were humans. We fought for every drop of water we found.
The powerful got to keep all that was left while the poor and weak were thrown into the
darkness, helpless. They needed us then, Garry, but what were we doing? Killing others and
following orders?! And the infection broke out, our ‘leaders’ got their perfect opportunity to
save themselves. You think we were here to save this city? That is what we were told, right?”

I nodded my head.

“I overheard them speak. The Command Centre and all our ‘leaders’ received the distress
calls months ago but did nothing. They waited for the infection to spread, waited for people
to turn into monsters and kill each other so that when we came, we had no other choice but to
bomb the city. Can you not see Garry? Every city we go to, our final order is to blow it up.
They want us to do this so that they can save what’s left, only for themselves.”

Silence came back. Whatever Derek said was true. I knew that. But still, I couldn’t
understand what to do, what to say. I had no answers, no arguments. All I had was guilt and
tears in my eyes. Derek spoke.

“We are no soldiers, Garry. We are monsters. All of us. Just that, we don’t have flesh and
blood dripping out of our mouths, but doesn’t that make us even worse than those outside.
Because those creatures out there, they are gone. They don’t have a choice. But we did. But
now look, what we’ve become.”
“Well, last time I remember, you too were following your orders without any questions. What
happened now, Derek? What changed your mind?” I said. Derek laughed and said,” Well, I
guess, when you are at the end of the line, you just want to confess and get rid of your sins,
don't you?”

“What do you mean?” I asked. Derek pulled up his vest and showed me that huge bite mark
on his waist. I was shocked. “I don’t have much time, Garry. Here take this.” He held his gun
to give it to me. “It still has one round left. Just shoot me. I don't want to turn into one of
those things. Please, shoot me,” he said. “No! Hey, that is not going to happen, okay? We are

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